3 weeks to the marathon...

Whew. I have made it to taper. I'll still be running 3 times a week, but the longest run I have left is a 12 miler. And really, if I miss any of the workouts, it's not that big of a deal. The next three weeks are about maintaining fitness and resting. Barring disaster, I will be at that start line.

I ran 3 miles on Monday morning and felt almost nothing at all in my legs. I tried to wear regular socks, and my ankle started to hurt a little after a mile. I stopped and swapped it out for the cut-off one, and then I was fine. The ankle thing is weird and I hope it goes away after my post-marathon rest, but mostly I'm just relieved that I have a way to work around it.

On Tuesday, I biked, and it was against the wind in both directions. That sucked, and my left knee hurt a little.

Wednesday, I did a speed workout in the morning. I ran a mile to warm up, then ran 3 more miles in 200-m out-ins, so 200 m at my regular pace, then 200 m at a faster clip, repeat. Then I ran the last mile home just at my regular pace. So 5 miles total, with almost no pain at all. That was my last run before the 20 miler, and I was feeling great.

I had intended to bike on Thursday, but the winds were super strong and it was a decent chance of rain, so I opted out. I then debated riding on Friday, but I opted out of that, too. I was just feeling so good, and the benefit of riding was not worth the risk of something hurting the next day.

So, I got up this morning bright and early and well rested for my 20 miler. Unfortunately, my tummy did not feel so hot. The food I ate for breakfast wasn't sitting so well, and I made a couple trips to the bathroom. I took some Pepto and chalked it up to nerves -- I actually have the same sort of feeling before races sometimes.

Let me start with the good news. I did the entire 20 miles virtually pain free. I had some achiness here and there, but not a whisper from my ankle (I had cut off socks on both feet) and not a whisper from my shins. Nada. Also, I did not feel so weirdly stiff at the end. I was able to stretch normally.

However, I did not end the run strong. I started out doing the same 8:1 run:walk ratio as for the 18 miler. For the first 12 miles or so, I was doing great. I had that "I'm barely aware that I'm running" kind of feeling. But then I started to get tired. The 8 minute segments started to feel really long. And my stomach started to bother me. I did not feel like I was going to throw up, or pass out, but I was pretty uncomfortable. After 18 miles, I had to stop to go to the bathroom, and that did help a little. But I was no longer able to run for full 8 minute segments. I was doing 4:1, then 3:1, then 4:1, etc for the rest of the way. I finished, but I was totally drained.

My total time was 3:54:53. That was including the pit stop that actually added a little distance to the run. So, my overall average pace was 11:45 per mile, which would give me a marathon finish time of 5:08 if I kept it up. But the truth is, I don't think I could have even kept up that average. I was so relieved to be finished that I wanted to cry. And on marathon day, I will still have 6.2 miles to go.

So, this means several things:
1. First of all, I'm kind of scared now. I might as well admit that right now. Related is...

2. I think it's important for me to work on being prepared to feel like crap toward the end of the race. I always knew 26.2 was a long way to run, and no one ever talks about it being easy, but... today was my first glimpse at how I will probably be feeling at mile 20. However...

3. I also need to remember that I won't necessarily feel quite so bad. Adrenaline will help, the crowds will help, and with any luck my tummy won't be a problem.

4. Speaking of my tummy, there are a couple of things that I think contributed to that. First, I had been feeling sort of icky on and off since last Friday. It was never terrible, but I had less of an appetite than usual and was having a bit of indigestion. So, some of the problem was existing. And running 20 miles made my body less able to handle it.

5. I also ate a different breakfast than I have been before (toast and oatmeal with a nectarine instead of a bagel with peanut butter and banana). Not only did I end up eating less of it, but it had less protein and more acid. On an average day, it probably wouldn't have mattered, but when I'm running 20 miles, my body needs all the help it can get. So, bagel, peanut butter, and banana it is.

6. I think I'm officially letting go of this time goal of 5 hours I've had in mind all along. It's just another source of pressure and worry that I don't need. I need to focus on finishing, that's all. I figure that even if I had to walk the last 6.2, I would have still made it in under the 6:30 limit. I'll be disappointed if that happens, but honestly, although I was tired, I did feel like I had SOME run left in me. It just would have been in shorter bursts.

Since finishing, I've been tired and achy, and my stomach is still not feeling so great. But, nothing feels injured. So there's plenty to be happy about, and I'm trying to focus on that.

Like I said before... I'm scared. But, some part of me recognizes that there's no way to know, control, or fully prepare for how I will feel during the race. So for the next few weeks, I will just try to relax and enjoy the taper, and on race day I will just try to relax and enjoy the journey. That's all I can do.

Even if race day does go like it did today, I know I will finish. If there's anything I can say for certain about myself after going through this marathon training, it's that I'm not a quitter.

Miles on my shoes: 158