26 Letters to Stephen: 7-26

December 23, 2013

Dear Stephen,

It’s been a really long time, I know. I had all of these grand plans about the 26 letters when I started marathon training. I was going to write 26 poignant, funny, thoughtful letters chronicling my experience. The last one was going to tie everything up in a nice little bow. It was going to be beautiful.

It didn’t happen.

In retrospect, it doesn’t surprise me. I don’t know what made me believe that I was going to have the wherewithal to write. Running the marathon the first time made me crazy. I had no reason to believe this time would be different. It wasn’t. So I didn’t write. And here I am.

I had my reasons for not writing before. But now I think it’s time to find some closure to the experience.

So. The marathon. What shall I say about that?

Parts of it were so awesome, Stephen. Parts were terrible, but parts were so, so awesome. I’m so pleased and proud to have been able to run for you. It made me so happy to post my progress and collect donations in your name. And even though through most of it you felt so very far away, that brief moment I had with you at the end of the race made it all worth it.

I must confess, though, that I thought I would feel different after it was over. I don’t know how I expected to feel, exactly, but the feeling of futility was not it. After all those hours, all those miles, all those muscle aches, all that anticipation… it was just all over so fast. My memories of the race are patchy and incomplete, probably from a combination of emotional shutdown and physical exertion. And then the next day, I stared down at my medal and thought, “What was the point? Stephen’s still dead.”

And you are. You always will be. I knew I wouldn’t change that, but … . Maybe using someone else’s words will help me explain.

There’s a popular post on the blog Hyperbole and a Half where the author writes of her quest to earn adult responsibility. For the first few days, she is gung-ho about being responsible. She goes to the bank! She cleans all the things! She basks in her grown-up-ness!

Then suddenly she has another reason to go to the bank. The things get dirty and she has to clean them again. And she realizes adult responsibility is not a thing you earn. You don’t work hard for a certain length of time and then get to put your Adult Responsibility Trophy on the mantle. It just doesn’t work that way. Adult responsibility is ongoing. You can made some good runs of it, and maybe coast along on the rewards for a week or two. But then you start over again, and keep working on it.

I realize now that a piece of me thought of the marathon as my Adult Responsibility Trophy. Except, in my case, it was more of a Stephen Mourning Trophy. I took on this big task, and I knew it was going to be physically and emotionally exhausting. But I thought at the end I would have this thing I could hold on to. That I would have earned my Stephen Mourning Trophy, and my reward would be having you back. Or at least not missing you as much. I would have fixed it.

But as soon as the marathon was over, I was right back where I was before I started. You were still dead. I still hated that you were dead. Nothing at all was fixed.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do more, Stephen. I’m so, so, so, so sorry. I look at the photo of the five of us standing outside 409 Monroe on the last day we were all together, and I always get this image of the five of us together again when we’re 50, laughing at each others’ clothing and haircuts. And it make me angry (so angry) to know that day will never come.

I know that the 24^th is, officially speaking, the day you died. I know that, but for some reason it’s always today, on the 23^rd, that I think of you. You would think it’d be the image of you lying lifeless in that car that would haunt me. But it doesn’t. Instead, it’s the thought of you today, breathing, laughing, living on your holiday trip home, with no knowledge of what was to come in a few short hours. That is what haunts me.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what you might have done if you had known. One thing that gives me some comfort is that I don’t think you would have done much differently. If you had a few hours warning, you probably would have chose to spend those hours exactly as you did. So there’s that.

But the memory of you alive on that last day of your life is such a painful reminder of everything that will not be.

I wish I could say that running the marathon for you changed something for the better, but I am not sure it did. You’re still dead. I’m still missing you. I’m still looking for the way to fix it. I could run a thousand marathons and still not fix it.

I hope against hope that it changed something for you. I hope against hope that made you just a little bit less sad about everything you won’t get to do.

One month after the marathon, I stood at the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge, and I thought of you. I thought about all of the listlessness I felt, and about how futile any effort was going to be. And then, just for a moment, I felt hope. A feeling came over me, and I thought, “I will never stop living. That will be my ongoing tribute to you.”

I am not even sure what I meant by that at the time, but I have come to understand it like this: There are a thousand things you will never get to do. I’m alive, and that alone gives me all of the opportunities you missed. I will never stop taking them. I will always take the helicopter ride. I will always do the cliff jump. I will always do the things I am afraid to do, because that is what you would have done. That can be how I remember you.

I will do my very best, Stephen. I hope it will be enough to let you rest in peace. But know that nothing will ever, ever be enough to make me stop missing you.

Love,

Katie

26 Letters to Stephen: 6

Letter #6

September 15, 2013

Dear Stephen,

Well, things are looking better.

My ankle still hurts today, but it feels much better. It might be ok tomorrow. Everything might be ok.

I still owe you a real letter. I am sorry I have not been able to bring myself to write it. Parts of what I want to say continue to float through my mind, but I can’t seem to form the thoughts into anything coherent.

I know that I’m stressed.

I know that I miss you.

I know those things, but not much else.

Hang with me a while longer, Stephen. We will get through this together.

26 Letters to Stephen: 5

Letter #5

September 14, 2013

Dear Stephen,

I’m trying not to panic, but something bad happened today.

About 7 or 7.5 miles into my run, my ankle started to hurt. At first I thought that it might just need to crack, but rotating it did nothing to stop the pain.

When I started running again, the pain stopped for a little while, but then started again and never stopped. I’ve been done with the run for a couple of hours, and despite icing and wrapping, my ankle is aching even though I’m just sitting here.

This could be bad.

It’s possible that it will feel better tomorrow or at least by next Sunday, but I’m scared. It’s also possible that I’m down for the count. The worst part is that all I can do is wait and see.

It hurts to walk right now, so having this continue more that 24 hours would be really bad.

I’m not sure what else to say. Any magic you’ve got, go ahead and work it, ok?

More soon.

26 letters to Stephen: 4

Letter # 4: September 11, 2013

It has been a long time, Stephen. Far, far too long, and I am sorry.

I'm in the middle of week 14 of marathon training. For 12 weeks, things were going absolutely beautifully. Last week, a sinus infection threw a wrench in everything. This week, there have not yet been any disasters -- but there have been warning signs, and I am worried.

I'm going to tell you all about it, and soon. I promise. This weekend, I am going to write you a letter that is worth 10 letters. I promise.

But for right now, I just need to ask a favor.

Stay with me through these next couple of runs, will you? I am feeling whispers from my hips and knees that remind me of past injuries, and all I can think about is how quickly everything went to hell last time. I finished a 12-mile taper run, and suddenly my knee hurt like hell. Just like that. And it continued to hurt like hell until approximately 2 weeks after the race.

I survived. I even made it to the finish line and recovered without so much as a doctor visit. But it was so hard and I was so scared. Scared of quitting. Scared of hurting myself. Scared of having limited mobility. Scared of always wondering if I did the right thing.

I don't want to be scared like that again, especially since I will also be scared of failing you.

So stay with me. Keep my knees, hips, and feet functioning the right way for just a few more weeks. Keep me healthy, and I promise I'll do the rest.

I know it seems trivial to talk of this stuff as such a big deal, especially today. But it is a big deal, to me. So I'm just looking for help where I can get it.

You were always willing to give it.

I miss you.

26 Letters to Stephen: 3

June 15, 2013

Dear Stephen,

Week one of marathon training complete. One down, 17 to go.

At the beginning of the week, I had settled on doing one 3-mile run, one speed workout, one bike commute, one long run, and two strength training sessions each week. After this week, though, I might be changing my mind.

It was raining on Monday morning, so I did the elliptical instead. Then I did strength training Tuesday morning and ran with the Scouts Tuesday night. Wednesday I did strength training again.

The trouble started on Thursday. I went to the track workout with the Scouts. In the middle of my 4^th or 5^th 400-meter repeat, I got some cramping in my hamstrings. One of them was really, really sore all day Friday and still not great this morning. I had that really horrible feeling of not knowing whether or not I should run.

It didn’t hurt that much, but would running make it worse? It wouldn’t be a big deal to miss a 6-miler, but how could I skip my very first run with the training group?

In the end, I decided to run. I feel ok right now. I’m sore, but not alarmingly so. I just hope I don’t regret it tomorrow.

An injured hamstring isn’t a devil I’ve handled before. I hate the unknown. This is exactly what I didn’t want to feel this time around. Perhaps I skip speed training next week.

The good news is that I think I am really going to like running with CARA. The group leader and all the women in my group are really nice.

I thought of you this morning when the pace groups were working themselves out. How fast did you run, anyway? I know it was a hell-of-a-lot faster than me. Maybe 8-minute miles? Sorry I’m slowing you down. But maybe you would like running with all women, anyway.

I miss you buddy.

26 Letters to Stephen: 2

Letter #2

June 3, 2013

Dear Stephen,

On Saturday, I went to a marathon clinic. It was the official kickoff of my training program. I was really excited about it beforehand. In the end, I was rather underwhelmed.

There were two tracks for the clinic: novice and advanced. I certainly don’t consider myself an advanced marathoner, so I chose novice. That may have been a mistake. The novice track was, understandably, geared toward first-time marathoners. I figured the clinic would cover some things I already knew, but I thought that it wouldn’t hurt me to hear it again. Plus, I made so, so many mistakes last time. Surely these experts would tell me some new things that would help me along the way.

Instead, the clinic felt like a regurgitation of everything I read on the Internet when I trained by myself last time.

You must follow the training plan! Really? I tried to follow the training plan last time, and I was always injured. In the end, I realized that standardized beginning training plans just doesn’t work for me. They cover too many miles. So why are these experts insisting that following this plan to the letter is going to work for every single person in the room?

You should be drinking Gatorade at every aid station, not water! Really? Gatorade has always made me feel sick while I am running. After extensive experimentation, I have found that water and energy chews every five miles are what work for me. I’ve never had an issue with dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, or sodium deficiency. I choose the fueling method that doesn’t make my stomach cramp, thank you very much. I found the best thing for me, and it isn’t the thing you’re insisting is best for everyone.

Be careful of your posture, arm swing, and footstrike! You should be foam rolling! By all means, continue throwing out jargon without any clear explanation of what any of it means. Definitely show videos of poor running form without saying anything about how to correct poor running form. Tell us all about the physiological effects of foam rolling without demonstrating how to use a foam roller. That’s very helpful.

I admit that I’m being more than a little snarky, but I was very frustrated by the end. Instead of feeling like training with a group is going to make it easier this time, I walked out feeling like I need to gear myself up for a fight.

It’s going to be a summer of standing my ground. I can’t take everything they say as gospel. I know better. I am sure their plan will help a lot of people across the finish line. It’s just not my way across the finish line.

It made me sort of sad to come to the realization that the experts don’t know all the answers. It would be comforting to believe that there is someone who will always have a definitive answer about what to do. But the truth is, everyone is just making the best guesses that they can.

That includes me. I decided a long time ago that I was going to run this marathon for you, but I don’t really know if this is something you would have wanted. I’m just making my best guess.

It’s a guess. An 18-week, 26.2-mile guess. A gesture. An attempt to make a tribute to you.  

I hope you like it.

26 Letters to Stephen: 1

Letter #1: May 27, 2013

Dear Stephen,

Saturday was the Soldier Field 10 Mile, my last race before marathon training starts. I ran fast. I ran strong. I ran pain-free. I think I am ready. I could not be any more ready. Right?

Ready or not, the truth is that I am a little bit scared. The last time I trained for a marathon, I spent most of the time injured or worried about becoming injured. Every day, I questioned whether I should be running and how far. Every day, I wondered if I would make it to that start line, let alone the finish line. I trained for 20 weeks, and the whole time I felt like I might lose it all at any moment.

I have so many reasons to believe that this time will be better. I learned a lot from my mistakes. I know my limits when it comes to the number of miles I can run in a week. Regular strength training has greatly reduced my injury rate. In fact, I haven’t had a major injury in more than two years.

Yet I am still scared. Even though the chances of dropping out of training are greatly reduced, I have so much more to lose this time. I want to finish the race, of course. But even more, I don’t want to let you down.

I’ve been struggling with what to do for you since the day you died. For the first few months, I spent a lot of time trying to find a way to bring you back to life. Unsurprisingly, I failed in this regard. I really, really tried to bring you back, but as you may have noticed, you’re still… well, not here.

Eventually, I got past the irrational need to raise you from the dead and started thinking about what I could do for you instead. I settled on running this marathon. 2010 was my marathon, but 2013 will be yours. This one is for you.

If I make it, that is. There are so many miles ahead, and I am really scared that I will fail you. But I promise that I’m going to try.

The funny thing is, there is so much about this that you would hate. Marathon training is a slog, and there is a lot of moaning and groaning involved. But there is also a lot of positivity. Teams and training groups, especially those associated with a charity, all cheer each other on with great enthusiasm. It’s all about “You can do it!” and “One more mile!” and “You’re so awesome!” You know, all the things that annoy you. You would absolutely hate marathon training.

It feels like the right thing to do, though. I’m scared, but deep down in my gut I feel that this is my way to honor you. I can’t bring you back, but I can do what you aren’t here to do. I can accomplish this feat that you never got to cross of your bucket list. I can honor your mother’s memory and give myself and others a reason to think of you now and again over the coming months. I can run. I can run, and I will.

Stick with me, though, will you? This is going to be often going to be awesome, yet it is also going to be awful. In that way, it is really a lot like you.

Love to you, Stephen. More letters to come.

One month later.

Today marks one month since I ran the marathon. It seems like an appropriate time to start writing in this blog again.

There isn't a lot to tell, running-wise. For the first week, I could barely move. By the second week, the soreness in my quads had gone away, but my foot and knee still hurt enough that I felt I shouldn't do any cardio. I did some yoga and strength training. Things stayed the same for the third week. My foot continued to bother me, and I noticed that I now have a bone spur on the top of my foot. Gross.

During the fourth, I took a couple of turns on the elliptical.

By last Sunday, I was finally feeling ok to try running. I set out for 3 miles, expecting to have to walk. I'm pleased to report that I ran 3 miles without stopping! It was slow, but I held out. My foot didn't hurt at all, but my knee twinged a little. It hurt a bit to walk for the rest of the day. That was discouraging.

I did some strength training on Monday. On Tuesday, I got back on my bike for the first time in 2 months. My tires were a little flat, but luckily my building's garage has a compressor I can use for free. It felt fantastic to ride again.

Then this morning, I went out for another 3 miler. It actually felt a little harder than Sunday, but I still did the whole 3 miles without stopping. And my knee didn't bother me during or after. One month later, I may finally back on my way up.

I have no plans to follow any kind of structured plans for a while. I'll probably run 3-4 times a week, never much more than 3 miles, and just for the fun of it. I find that I have a hard time thinking of training for anything just yet.

One question I have been asking myself all month is, was it worth it? I spent 20 weeks stressing over every ache and pain, going to bed at 9 every Friday, and arranging my entire schedule around training runs. Then I spent another 3 weeks limping around and sleeping poorly. I now have a permanent, ugly bump on the top of my foot. All for one day, when I spent 6 hours pushing through pain and nausea as covered a 26.2 mile course. Was it worth it?

Yes, I think it was. The training was every bit as hard as I expected, and the recovery was much harder than I expected, but it was still worth it. Not for the moment I crossed the finish line, either. That was actually rather anti-climatic for me. But there are certain moments that will stick with me. Slowly making my way forward in the start corral, wondering anxiously what those first miles would hold for me. Picking out my mom and sister the first time in the crowds. Starting up after a water stop, realizing my knee pain had gone away. Seeing my friend Meg hold up a sign and my friend Amy run alongside me briefly. Waving to the fans in the windows of the old folks home. Seeing all the kind strangers handing out ice. Passing mile 20 and realizing that somehow, some way, I was going to make it. Digging deep inside to find the energy to run past my friend Jessica at mile 23. Seeing my friend Shannon as I approached the finish, realizing she had been out there all day for me. And catching sight of my mom at runner reunite after I finished.

It was hard. It was so, so, hard. But it was an incredible experience. I find now that I don't care a bit that it took me 47 minutes longer than I had originally hoped. I care that I did it, and that I can look back on that day and revel in it.

I'm doubtful that I'll ever run a marathon again, but that makes 10/10/10 all the more incredible.

One month later. The pain has gone away, but I'm still proud.

Yesterday, I finished the marathon!

I did it. I am a marathoner!

The last two weeks of training didn't go like I hoped, and neither did race day. But, I crossed that finish line, and that it all I care. :-)

Later in the day after my 12-miler (two weeks ago), I started having some nasty pain on the inside of my right knee. It continued to intermittently hurt while I was walking and hurt consistently when I was running. Naturally, this threw me into a panic. I went to a physical therapist who told me it was ok if I wanted to try to run, but that it was going to hurt.

That visit heartened me a bit, but running even 3 miles was still difficult, so I was not feeling very good about my chances of finishing 26.2. I stopped running completely during my final week of training, and lined up in that start corral having no idea how far I would make it.

I crossed the start line with my two friends, Maryam and Maureen. I ran the first mile with them with no pain. However, around the first mile marker, the pain started in my knee. Maureen and Maryam started to pull ahead of me, and I let them go. I knew that my best shot at finishing was going at a pace that felt comfortable.

I was running 9 minutes and walking 1 minute, and I kept that up for quite a while. I passed my mom and sister the first time at mile 4, and I was feeling ok about my chances. The pain in my knee was consistent, but not getting worse.

The next thing I clearly remember is stopping at an aid station at mile 5. I paused for a second to refill one of my water bottles, then started running again.... and the pain was gone. THE PAIN WAS GONE! I apparently had loosened my sore tendons enough that they were working right again. This was a very exciting development. (As an aside, I'll mention that the other thing I remember about that aid station is that it was near Lincoln Park Zoo, and there were a lot of trees around, and most of the trees had a male runner next to them, peeing. I feel that this is one area where men have an unfair advantage. All the women were in line at the port-a-potties.)

I continued running at a 9:1 interval for quite some time, with little or no pain in my knee. I passed my co-worker Rebecca at mile 7.5, my friends Meg and Amy at mile 8.5, and my mom and sister again at mile 11. As I ran past my mom, I shouted, "The pain went away! The pain went away!" There were tons of cheering fans during this section of the race, and tons of spectacles to distract me... older folks waving from the windows at a nursing home, rifle twirlers in Boystown, DJs and live music, and more. I had my name on my shirt, and lots of spectators, volunteers, and even DJs were yelling "Go Katie!" It was a huge help.

I continued like this til about mile 15. Up until that point, I had been going pretty consistently at a 12-minute mile pace. However, somewhere around mile 15, the knee pain returned. It was also about 10am by this time, and the sun had started to get very hot. First, I tried to switch my intervals to 4:1, and was able to do that for a mile or two. But then my pattern kind of disintegrated. I was started to feel a little nauseous, so I had to extend my walk breaks. Unfortunately, this also allowed my knee to tighten up again, and the pain was back in full force, whether I was running or walking.

Near mile 18, I stopped to go to the bathroom and was lucky enough to only have a few people in front of me. The short break reinvigorated me for a while, and I ran pretty consistently at a run 3, walk 2 ratio. I passed my mom and sister again at mile 21, and that was a little boost. At about mile 22, though, I was so hot and my knee hurt so much that I stopped paying attention to my watch at all. I was just past 5 hours, and I knew that even if I had to walk the rest of the way, I would make it in under the 6:30 limit.

I just focused on moving forward any way that I could. I walked until I felt ready to run, then ran as long as I felt able. I just kept moving forward. I passed my friend Jessica at mile 23, and she was wearing a "Katie Rich Rocks" t-shirt. When I hit mile 24, there was an announcer of some kind saying "You have 2 miles to go. You WILL finish the Chicago Marathon. You may be walking, you may be running, and you may have to crawl, but YOU WILL FINISH!" And I'll never forget this... he said, "Isn't that right, Katie in green?" I pumped my fist in the air to tell him he was right. (I am SO glad I wrote my name on my shirt.)

Mile 25 came and went, and then I could see Roosevelt. I ran from 14th street to Roosevelt, then walked up the Roosevelt bridge to the 26 mile marker. I said all throughout my training that no matter how much I had to walk, I really wanted to run that last 0.2. And I'm proud to say that I did. I ran down the other side of the bridge and a block down Columbus, and crossed that finish line with a time of 5:47:43. (And my friend Shannon was there to take my picture.. though unfortunately someone else ran directly into the shot and completely blocked me out.) Tears were in my eyes as I got my medal.

I did it. I finished. I walked a LOT, I fought through a lot of pain, and I was in the slowest 20% to finish, but I don't care. I FINISHED.

Thank you so much to everyone who was out there on the course to cheer me on... those that I knew of course, but also all the kind strangers that called my name, sprayed me with a hose, and handed me ice. I truly, truly would not have finished without all that support.

I'll be nursing a finicky knee, a bruised foot, and some very sore quads for some time, but I'll have that finisher's medal forever. It's been a long, winding journey that I do not regret. I ran the Chicago Marathon on 10/10/10.

Now, if I EVER say I'm going to run another marathon... call me an idiot. :-)

2 weeks til the marathon.

2 weeks? Ack! I'm starting to get really excited now. The signs are up along the route and the city is gearing up for it.

This week definitely did not go like I planned or hoped, but in the end I think it was ok.

On Monday my quads were still really sore, so I did not run or bike. Tuesday morning, I ran 3 miles, but walked a bit in there. My left quad was still sore, so my gait was a bit off and my shins started to hurt a little.

Wednesday, I started to feel pretty sick. My stomach had never really felt normal since Saturday, and it seemed to be getting worse. I was standing at the bus stop when a sharp pain started in my right side. It faded as I got on the bus, but I started to get dizzy. I had to squat down to avoid passing out. The spell passed pretty quickly, but I was in a cold sweat for a while and my stomach continued to bother me.

I woke up Thursday hoping to run in the afternoon. However, I had the same pain in my side while waiting for the bus. I didn't know what to think, and I was tired of feeling sick, so I made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon.

A lot of possibilities went through my mind. Kidney stones run in my family. Appendicitis would require surgery. And on and on. I didn't really believe it was anything serious, but if it was, I needed to know now.

Thankfully, the doctor ruled out kidney stones and several other things. She couldn't completely rule out appendicitis, but said my symptoms did not really make sense for that, either. She thought it was some sort of bug I just had to wait out. The answer I wanted, but still frustrating.

I was completely wiped out the rest of the day Thursday and Friday. I slept over nine hours a night.

I got up this morning and decided to try running. I set out at about 7:30 and did 12 miles at a 9:1 run:walk ratio. My overall pace was 11:30 per mile, which really wasn't bad. My legs cooperated pretty well -- only minor complaints from my quads and shins -- but my stomach really hurt through most of it. I'm glad I went out and did it, but I'm also really glad it's over.

Now I'll be resting up and hoping to kick whatever bug is in my system out soon. I end this week with only two runs and no biking at all, but it was the most I could handle so I'm not going to fret it.

On a different note, I tried out a hydration belt today and liked it. Looks like I'll be wearing mine on race day.

15 days to go. Hang in there, legs. Hang in there, gut. We're gonna do this.

Miles on my shoes: 176

3 weeks to the marathon...

Whew. I have made it to taper. I'll still be running 3 times a week, but the longest run I have left is a 12 miler. And really, if I miss any of the workouts, it's not that big of a deal. The next three weeks are about maintaining fitness and resting. Barring disaster, I will be at that start line.

I ran 3 miles on Monday morning and felt almost nothing at all in my legs. I tried to wear regular socks, and my ankle started to hurt a little after a mile. I stopped and swapped it out for the cut-off one, and then I was fine. The ankle thing is weird and I hope it goes away after my post-marathon rest, but mostly I'm just relieved that I have a way to work around it.

On Tuesday, I biked, and it was against the wind in both directions. That sucked, and my left knee hurt a little.

Wednesday, I did a speed workout in the morning. I ran a mile to warm up, then ran 3 more miles in 200-m out-ins, so 200 m at my regular pace, then 200 m at a faster clip, repeat. Then I ran the last mile home just at my regular pace. So 5 miles total, with almost no pain at all. That was my last run before the 20 miler, and I was feeling great.

I had intended to bike on Thursday, but the winds were super strong and it was a decent chance of rain, so I opted out. I then debated riding on Friday, but I opted out of that, too. I was just feeling so good, and the benefit of riding was not worth the risk of something hurting the next day.

So, I got up this morning bright and early and well rested for my 20 miler. Unfortunately, my tummy did not feel so hot. The food I ate for breakfast wasn't sitting so well, and I made a couple trips to the bathroom. I took some Pepto and chalked it up to nerves -- I actually have the same sort of feeling before races sometimes.

Let me start with the good news. I did the entire 20 miles virtually pain free. I had some achiness here and there, but not a whisper from my ankle (I had cut off socks on both feet) and not a whisper from my shins. Nada. Also, I did not feel so weirdly stiff at the end. I was able to stretch normally.

However, I did not end the run strong. I started out doing the same 8:1 run:walk ratio as for the 18 miler. For the first 12 miles or so, I was doing great. I had that "I'm barely aware that I'm running" kind of feeling. But then I started to get tired. The 8 minute segments started to feel really long. And my stomach started to bother me. I did not feel like I was going to throw up, or pass out, but I was pretty uncomfortable. After 18 miles, I had to stop to go to the bathroom, and that did help a little. But I was no longer able to run for full 8 minute segments. I was doing 4:1, then 3:1, then 4:1, etc for the rest of the way. I finished, but I was totally drained.

My total time was 3:54:53. That was including the pit stop that actually added a little distance to the run. So, my overall average pace was 11:45 per mile, which would give me a marathon finish time of 5:08 if I kept it up. But the truth is, I don't think I could have even kept up that average. I was so relieved to be finished that I wanted to cry. And on marathon day, I will still have 6.2 miles to go.

So, this means several things:
1. First of all, I'm kind of scared now. I might as well admit that right now. Related is...

2. I think it's important for me to work on being prepared to feel like crap toward the end of the race. I always knew 26.2 was a long way to run, and no one ever talks about it being easy, but... today was my first glimpse at how I will probably be feeling at mile 20. However...

3. I also need to remember that I won't necessarily feel quite so bad. Adrenaline will help, the crowds will help, and with any luck my tummy won't be a problem.

4. Speaking of my tummy, there are a couple of things that I think contributed to that. First, I had been feeling sort of icky on and off since last Friday. It was never terrible, but I had less of an appetite than usual and was having a bit of indigestion. So, some of the problem was existing. And running 20 miles made my body less able to handle it.

5. I also ate a different breakfast than I have been before (toast and oatmeal with a nectarine instead of a bagel with peanut butter and banana). Not only did I end up eating less of it, but it had less protein and more acid. On an average day, it probably wouldn't have mattered, but when I'm running 20 miles, my body needs all the help it can get. So, bagel, peanut butter, and banana it is.

6. I think I'm officially letting go of this time goal of 5 hours I've had in mind all along. It's just another source of pressure and worry that I don't need. I need to focus on finishing, that's all. I figure that even if I had to walk the last 6.2, I would have still made it in under the 6:30 limit. I'll be disappointed if that happens, but honestly, although I was tired, I did feel like I had SOME run left in me. It just would have been in shorter bursts.

Since finishing, I've been tired and achy, and my stomach is still not feeling so great. But, nothing feels injured. So there's plenty to be happy about, and I'm trying to focus on that.

Like I said before... I'm scared. But, some part of me recognizes that there's no way to know, control, or fully prepare for how I will feel during the race. So for the next few weeks, I will just try to relax and enjoy the taper, and on race day I will just try to relax and enjoy the journey. That's all I can do.

Even if race day does go like it did today, I know I will finish. If there's anything I can say for certain about myself after going through this marathon training, it's that I'm not a quitter.

Miles on my shoes: 158

4 weeks til the marathon

Less than a month, folks. Commence freaking out.

Overall, I have to say that this week went pretty well. I completed all the running and biking that I intended to do, which is something I haven't really been able to say in a long time.

Monday I biked, and the way back was against the wind. I finished, but it totally drained me.

Tuesday morning I ran 8 miles. Less than a mile in, I had to stop and fold down my sock so it didn't rub my ankle. But I finished. Shins hurt some, but not a lot.

Wednesday evening I ran 4 repeat miles, with a mile of warm up and a mile of cool down. I was wearing a cut-off sock, and there was not a single whisper from my ankle. The back of my knee was bothering me a little, which was odd. Then, right at the very end, one shin started to hurt. I immediately stopped and walked the remaining quarter mile, praying that the sharp pain wouldn't stick around.

I biked on Thursday, and felt the sharp pain in the same spot once on the way there, and once on the way back. This is not ideal, of course, but my shins did not bother me while walking, so I tried to dismiss it. That particular spot has not bothered me since, so that's a blessing.

I took Friday off, then ran 8 miles on the treadmill on Saturday morning. I wore the cut off sock again, and my ankle was fine. My shins hurt some, but not a lot. I did the 8 miles at under an 11-minute pace. All in all, a success.

Still, my shins have ached a lot over the past two days. Sometimes they are fine and I don't feel a thing, but then the next moment they hurt a lot. I've definitely had worse, and I'm not entertaining any thoughts of dropping out. However, it does make the decision of how much to run this week more difficult.

Ideally, I'd like to run 3 miles on Monday or Tuesday, then 3 miles with some speed push on Wednesday or Thursday, and then run 20 on Saturday. The 20 is obviously the most important, so part of me thinks I should skip the 3 milers. But part of me thinks that is a bad idea.

I also am struggling with what to do about biking. It often leaves me feeling totally drained, which seems counter-productive.

So, overall, I am optimistic about how this week went, but I wish the pain were not so prevalent to make some of these decisions easier.

Please, oh please, let this week go well, too. Let me feel as good at the end of 20 as a did at the end of 16.

Apologies at the lack of eloquence. I think I will feel A LOT better when the 20 is over.

Miles on my shoes: 130

5 weeks til the marathon

I'm still hanging in there.

I took Monday off, and rode my bike on Tuesday.

Wednesday I did 12 x 200m, with 200m active recovery after each repeat. The active recovery included skipping and hopping on one foot, and let me tell you, people on the lakefront path thought that was either weird or hilarious. I had a little shin pain but not a lot.

Thursday I biked again. On the way home, my shins randomly started to hurt after not bothering me all day. The pain continued all evening. So, any thoughts of a brief run on Friday were put aside.

I took Friday off, and went to bed that night very nervous and jittery. Could I really do 18 miles in the morning?

My friend Maryam picked me up at 5:50 the next morning, and we and two of her friends drove to a spot about 5 miles from the end of the path. We started off with the intention of running 4.5 miles south, then 9 miles north, then 4.5 back south to the car. I did the whole first half with Maryam, and we did a run/walk in an 8:1 ratio -- 8 minutes of running then 1 minute of walking. When we got back to the car the first time, Maryam waited at the car for one of her friends that decided to drop out of the run because of knee pain, but I decided to keep going, as her pace felt a bit too fast for me and I figured she would catch up to me anyway.

She didn't. I don't think my pace slowed down much at all. I passed her and her other friend a mile and a half after the turn around, so they were 3 miles behind me. I continued with the run/walk all the way through, with the exception of skipping my last walk because I was only about 2 minutes from finishing. I hit my finish line after 3:20:54, which means I kept about an 11:10 pace overall -- fast enough to get me a 5-hour marathon time if I could maintain it.

Shins didn't give me many problems. One little spot would hurt, then the pain would go away, then it'd show up somewhere else. The top inside of my right shin did hurt through about 6 miles or so, but even that went away in the end. Shins did as well as I had any right to hope. They did not bother me much the rest of the day or yesterday, either.

Unfortunately, about 200m from the finish, the front of my right ankle and top of my right foot started to suddenly hurt. I finished -- that close, how could I not?? Then I walked about another 200m to a drinking fountain, stretched a bit, then walked back to the car. My ankle still hurt a little, but I felt weird all over once I stopped running. My legs were so stiff that I had to kind of stretch in waves. I stretched a little, then walked some more, then stretched a little farther. It took me a while to feel somewhat normal.

I made my way back to the car, took off my shoes, and put my compression socks on. I spent a good 10 minutes trying to work out what I thought was a foot cramp. Finally, it felt somewhat normal. I flexed my ankle and it felt stiff but ok. So I put my shoes back on and walked back toward the path to watch for Maryam and Maureen.

Walking hurt a lot. The same ankle was really bothering me, almost enough to make me limp. It continued to do so each time I walked as we went to brunch and after I got home. This really worried me. Not only was this a devil I didn't know, but it was affecting my everyday mobility, not just my running.

After some experimentation that day, I realized that my ankle only hurt if my sock was on over it. The sock pulls the skin back and forth a bit, and that is what hurt. I could walk fine if I folded down my sock far enough.

I walked around a lot yesterday with my sock folded down like that. Towards the end of the day, I was able to put it back on, but my ankle still feels a little stiff and hurts if I rub the sore area.

I'm glad that I'm mobile, but my worst fear is that this will happen again in the middle of the marathon. The pain was really intense. I suppose I could just fold down my sock and live with the blister that is sure to appear on my heel. But there are also a thousand other things that could happen during the marathon. While I've struggled with injury a lot, this is the first time something made me completely unable to run.

Eyes forward, though. No use dwelling. My plan right now is just to keep icing, avoid wearing socks when I can, and hope for the best. I'm also going to buy some low-cut socks and new arch supports.

Aside from the ankle issue, the run/walk plan had both pros and cons. On the plus side, it's really helpful psychologically to focus on time instead of distance. I also had fewer aches and pains overall, and less soreness. However, I was MUCH more tired at the end. After 16, I felt like I could keep going. After 18, I was DONE. So, I'm planning on trying the run/walk again when I do the 20 miler, and making a race strategy decision after that.

This week, I hoping to do a short run today, a speed workout on Wednesday, and 8 miles on Saturday. I'll hopefully also bike to work twice, though I'm a little afraid of the high winds in the forecast!

Breathe in, breathe out... 5 weeks to go. I'm going to do this if it kills me.

Miles on my shoes: 111

6 weeks til the marathon

I don’t have much more to tell this week. I’m still in limbo.

I’ve been on vacation in Michigan all week. I took two hefty bike rides, one last Sunday and the other last Tuesday. No problems there except some wrist soreness because the bike I was riding didn’t fit me quite right.

I ran 3.7 miles with my mom on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I don’t really know how fast we were going, but I’m guessing that it was about a 12-minute mile. Monday I had a little pain but nothing too bad. Wednesday I felt really good. Friday it was back to how I felt on Monday. I iced every day for good measure. There was one spot on each shin that continued to bother me.

Yesterday I ended up running 5 miles total, but trying out the 8:1 run:walk ratio: run 8 minutes, then walk 1 minute, repeat. The whole run took roughly an hour. Some shin problems, but not enough to ice. The specific sore spots on each leg didn’t give me much trouble. So while I’d be lying if I said I felt completely rehabbed, but I at least can say that I feel like I’m progressing.

Still hoping to run 18 miles on Saturday. Only planning on running once between now and then, for Wednesday’s speed workout.

6 weeks to go. Hang in there, shins.

7 weeks until the marathon

(Written on Saturday and posted on Sunday...)

Well, things are staying stubbornly in limbo between “Things have improved and I’m feeling confident that I’ll make it to the start line” and “Well, that’s it. I’m calling it off.”

Week before last went so poorly that I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it. I felt fantastic after that 16 miler. I was a bit sore on Sunday and Monday, but feeling ok. I biked to work Monday and felt a little pain in my knee, but nothing else.

Then I ran 8 miles Tuesday morning, and I had a really hard time. The humidity was brutal, and I had a lot of shin pain. I finished, but I was really hurting the rest of that day and into Wednesday. I spent most of Wednesday debating with myself about whether or not to go to speed training. Ultimately, I decided to do the workout, but do it at home instead of schlepping all the way up to the track.

I completed a warm up, 3 repeat miles, and a cool down, but I suffered for it. It wasn’t so much sharp pain as it was an overall inability to make my legs work. I was stiff and achy while running, and my legs were swollen and tired afterward. I went to bed that night feeling like I had blown it.

I biked on Thursday and took Friday off, hoping that I would be ok on Saturday. When Saturday came, I did put on my running clothes and lace up my shoes, but my instincts screamed at me not to run. So I didn’t. I geared up again on Sunday and actually set out that time, but I run/walked for only a mile before I turned back.

Things were looking bleak, but I figured missing a 10-miler was better than missing the following weekend’s 18-miler, so I tried to focus my attention forward. I biked to work on Monday, and wore my compression socks pretty much all day and night that day, trying to get the swelling down. Tuesday I ran 8 miles with the compression socks on, and while I was pleased to have finished that distance, I didn’t feel great afterward.

I got up on Wednesday to attempt a speed workout, ran about 10 steps, and stopped. I spent another day on the bench in my compression socks, wondering if I could really come back from this.

It was similar on Thursday. I was able to run 6 miles, but had pain in my shins afterward, all day. I continued to intermittently wear the compression socks. The pain was not terrible – I had definitely had worse – but I had a sinking feeling all day that it just wasn’t enough. I may have been somehow powering my way through a good number of my shorter training runs… but I felt that trying to run 18 miles on Saturday was just asking for a serious injury.

I was a hair’s breadth away from calling off my training. I just couldn’t see how I could miss another one of those big long runs and still keep going. But I exchanged some emails with a running friend who has shin problems similar to mine, and she informed me that she trains for marathons by running only 2-3 times a week: a long run, a speed workout, and as her schedule permits, a third run of 3-5 miles. In a nutshell, that means that I have been running roughly 10 miles more a week than I really have to.

I felt a bit more optimistic after that. I biked to work and back on Friday, still wearing the compression socks. Friday night, I sat thinking for a while, and decided on this plan: Tomorrow, I would run as far as felt safe, even if that meant only 3 miles or so. In the coming week, I would stick to 4 miles or so, every other day, and perhaps attempt 6 on Saturday or Sunday. Then the following week, I would start sticking to my friend’s plan: a speed workout, a short run, and a long run, never on consecutive days. If I can rehab my shins enough this week to feel confident going into 18 miles on September 4, I might still have a chance. It will mean having my last long run be 20 miles instead of 22, but there are a lot of plans that end at 20 miles so I think that’ll be ok.

I woke up this morning and procrastinated about going out running, because I didn’t want to go out and come back feeling defeated. Even though I had a revised plan that I thought had some hope for success, deep down I badly wanted to run 18 and feel like I was still on track. Ultimately, I ended up going out deliberately unprepared to run 18 miles (no gels, started too late, not hydrated well enough) so that I wouldn’t do anything stupid. I ended up doing the speed workout I missed on Wednesday, which I thought was a good compromise. I was able to push myself a little but still only do a total of 5 miles. Plus, I ended the week feeling like I only missed one workout, not two – even though the one I missed was the long run.

If that speed workout had gone by with no pain, I would be feeling pretty good right now. But, it didn’t. I felt some deep aching in my shins both during the run and after. I was able to run without the compression socks on, which is good, but I’m just not feeling so great. My shins hurt when I walk.

Bottom line: I’ve still got a decent chance of bouncing back to marathon readiness, but there’s also a decent chance that I won’t. I’m still in that annoying place of needing to remain optimistic but realistic.

Will this be worth it? If I make it to that start line, I think it will. The hardest part is that I know the closer the marathon gets, the more crushing it will be to not run. But I will not give up.

Come what may, it will be over in 7 more weeks.

9 weeks until the marathon

Miraculously, I am still hanging in there. This week went very well!

I rode my bike on Monday. I had some minor pain in my knee when I went uphill or otherwise had to pedal hard, but I mostly felt ok.

Tuesday I did another run home from work, this time adding a loop around the path at Promontory Point to make it 8 miles. It went pretty well. It was REALLY humid, and I did have a few shin, knee, and hip issues from time to time, but overall it went better than when I ran home last week. No walk breaks. I didn't have my watch, but I made it door to door in just over 90 minutes, so that's a pretty good clip.

I felt ok on Wednesday -- no worse, but also not really any better. I wasn't having any sharp pains while walking, but I still had a sense of not-right-ness. I remembered how last week ended up, and how I wished I had skipped one of the mid-week workouts in favor of being able to complete my long run. So, I stayed home from speed work.

Thursday morning I got up and ran my 5 miles in the morning. It was pretty much the same as Tuesday. Only a few minor issues, and the rest of the day felt no worse, but no better.

I biked on Friday and everything just still felt the same. No worse -- but still not normal and not getting any better.

So, I was not feeling all that great about my prospects as I got ready for my long run Saturday morning. But, I figured I had nothing to lose. I either did this long run, or I called it quits. So considering that making my shins worse would have the same effect as just sitting it out, I did not hesitate to try for 16 miles.

I felt a little stiff when I first started out, but after the first half mile, I have to say that I felt fantastic. Something has definitely changed about my form. I'm not completely consistent about it, but there were several long stretches when I felt like I was gliding forward, rather than pulling myself along. I'm pretty sure that's because I am finally striking the ground with my foot underneath me and pushing off backward, rather than striking in front of me and using my shins to pull my weight forward.

I can't say that I didn't feel any pain ever. There were episodes of quad pain, shin pain, knee pain, and even my old friends the psoas voiced some discomfort from time to time. However, everything faded eventually. I think (hope pray beg) that all of that was just the normal kind of discomfort associated with distance running.

I finished 16 miles in 2:59:15. That's a pace of 11:12 per mile -- a pace that, if I were able to keep it up for another 10.2 miles, would give me a finish time of 4:53:44. That time also included many short stops at water fountains, as well as three longer stops to eat a gel or drink some Gatorade at a hydration station. (Bless you, Fleet Feet and hydration station volunteers. BLESS YOU!)

Since I had experienced pain pretty much through my whole lower body during the run, when I got home, I did something I never thought I would do. I took an ice bath. I filled my bath tub with enough icy cold water to submerge my legs, and I sat in it for 15 minutes. I have to say that stepping into it was among the more miserable experiences of my life, but I think it helped. I was extremely stiff yesterday after watching a 2 hour movie, but otherwise the soreness has not been bad. I did a lot of walking yesterday, and a little today, and while I had some achy-ness, overall I felt pretty good.

So, I'm still in this. I know that I still have 9 weeks to go, and plenty can happen in that time. However, I feel I have reason to be optimistic. I actually feel better today than I did on Friday, before I ran 16 miles. That has to be a good sign.

I'm planning on doing all four runs this week. Here's the plan:
Monday: bike
Tuesday: 8 miles
Wednesday: speed work (3 x 1 mile)
Thursday: bike
Friday: 5 miles
Saturday: 10 miles

Miles on my latest pair of 2150s: 38

16 miles. No matter what happens, I can always revel in that.

10 weeks until the marathon

Ok, so, there are several things I could say.

I could be completely optimistic, and say that I am in a much better place than last week and it looks like I will recover.

I could go with the pessimistic view, and say that I just had another week where I did not complete all of my workouts.

But I think I'm going to go with the most honest take on the situation. The truth is, I really don't know what to think.

I bike commuted on Monday.

Tuesday morning, I got out of bed at 5am feeling like I had lead in my stomach, so great was my dread at how my legs would feel if I tried to run. But I laced up and headed out, figuring I had to do it eventually.

I was supposed to do 6 miles according to the schedule, but I chose I route that would give me plenty of outs in case I had to cut it shorter. I didn't talk the 2-mile out... didn't take the 4-mile out... and headed toward 6 miles. It wasn't until about mile 5 that I started to have some suspicious twinges, so I took a shortcut home and ended up with a total of 5.5 miles. The rest of the day, my shins ached a little but didn't have any sharp pains.

All day Wednesday I debated with myself about whether to go to speed training. I thought maybe skipping it, and instead running Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday this week, might be a good idea. But I was feeling really good Wednesday afternoon and ultimately decided to go, if only to have Coach Leach look at my form.

Coach told me my foot strike actually looked really good. He did have to yell at me about my hips once, but I was able to fix it immediately, which is a good sign. The only other thing he told me to work on was evening out my arm swing. Apparently my left arm doesn't move as much as the right one and that might be making my gait uneven.

So, I did two 2-mile repeats, plus 3 miles of warm up and cool down, for a total of 7 miles -- exactly what the training plan asked for. And very little pain. I was feeling great when I went to bed that night.

Thursday I was sore, but not in my shins. I had normal-feeling achyiness in my hips and quads, which didn't particularly worry me, but also some pretty bad pain in my knees, which was new and rather annoyingly worrisome. It was much better by the afternoon, though, so I went ahead and did my next workout: running the 7 miles home from work. Running point to point was actually a really nice change from the constant out and back runs I do. I took one walk break around mile 5 because my knee hurt a little, but went to bed feeling pretty good.

Friday, however, was a tough day. I was able to bike to and from work ok, but overall, my whole body felt exhausted and beat up. I went to Fleet Feet to get some new shoes after work, and while I was walking, my shins also hurt a bit. It was more of a deep down ache than usual, but I really don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

So, today, I spent a lot of time debating about what to do. I was supposed to run 9 miles. In the early morning when I would normally go, it was pouring rain. So that gave me the time to think it through. Do I skip it, and be glad that I got in all but one workout this week? Do I dare miss another long run, even if it is one of the shorter recovery runs? Would the new shoes help? Do I try for 9 miles, even if it means walking a lot of it? Do I just do a shorter run?

In the end, I decided to hit the pavement with the promise to myself that if my instincts told me to stop, I'd stop.

I ended up running a total of 6 miles. I could have finished, but I was having some suspicious swollen feelings in my lower legs, and I did not dare put myself in a place where I might have to miss the 15 miler I am supposed to do next week.

So, that was my week. I finish with 25.5 of the 29 miles I was supposed to do. Right now, other than still having a bit of that all-over tiredness, I'm not in any pain. In fact, when I got home from the 6 miles today, I didn't even feel like I need to compress or ice.

So, I continue to be hopeful but cautious. I hope I am making the right choices. I do think I needed to run today. I am not sure if I should have pushed through those extra 3 miles or not. It might have been fine, and made me feel better. But it also might have been the end of my marathon hopes.

If I can get through my workouts this week, including that 15 miler on Saturday, I will be very happy.

Here's the plan for this week:
Monday: bike
Tuesday: 5 miles
Wednesday: speed training
Thursday: 8 miles
Friday: bike
Saturday: 15 miles

Miles on my new shoes: 6

11 weeks until the marathon

While I have not yet completely given up, things are not looking good.

The pain didn't go away by Tuesday. I ran 4 miles Tuesday morning, but by Tuesday afternoon, I knew I was in trouble.

Wednesday morning I started having pain while walking. My lower legs tend to swell up while I walk, giving me an uncomfortable, distended feeling below my knees after a while. Compression and ice help, but it keeps happening.

I did not try to run at all Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday. I did bike on Thursday without much of an issue, though I did have pain occasionally.

I tried to run today, but did not even get half a mile before I stopped and turned back. It only hurt a little at first, but got worse, and so I knew to keep going would be a bad idea.

I figure my best shot is to just wait until Tuesday, then pick the training schedule back up. If I am ok to run by then, I might have a shot.

I won't say that I am not devastated by this. I am. On Wednesday, the day I skipped my first workout, I cried on three separate occasions. It's incredibly frustrating and disappointing. I really believed I had gotten past this.

But, I have not quite given up yet. Here is a list of positives:

1) I really do believe I've made the best choices possible. If I do have to drop out of training, it won't be because of my own stupidity. I don't have any regrets about what I've done.

2) The shins do seem to be getting a bit better by microsteps. So there is a chance they will be ok by next week.

3) Even if this is the end of the line, I can walk away knowing that I can safely train for a half marathon. I ran for 9+ weeks, leading up to a 13 mile run, without injury. That alone is an improvement over last year.

While part of me says I should try to bike or something to keep my cardiovascular fitness up, a larger part says I should soak up every moment of leg rest that I can.

I'm trying to remain hopeful yet prepare myself for the worst. If anyone knows how to successfully do that... let me know.

12 weeks until the marathon

Another week of training complete.

I ran 5 miles on Monday morning and bike commuted on Tuesday.

Wednesday I went to speed training. My schedule just said 6 miles, so I figured I'd try to hit that mileage. I ran 1.5 miles from the train to the track, did 20 x 100 m repeats with 100 m active recovery, ran an extra 2 laps, then ran another 1.5 miles back to the store to pick up my race packet. All in all it was 6 miles. It was VERY hot and humid. On the train ride home, I discovered that I was literally crusted in the salt from my own sweat. It was both disgusting and satisfying.

Thursday I bike commuted again. For once, I was grateful for the wind. Otherwise the heat would have been unbearable.

Friday I ran 6 miles in the am. I feel very rushed in the morning when I have to run that far, but I was still glad to get it out of the way.

Saturday I rode my bike down to 63rd St beach and back (roughly the same mileage as bike commuting). I discovered that riding on the path on Saturday morning is much like a real-life version of the old NES Paperboy video game. I spent the whole time dodging various obstacles, from other bikers to runners to small children to dogs to beach balls. (As an aside, I have to say that while I really like biking and am disinclined to give it up because of this, I maintain that bikers as a general group are jerks to the other people on the path. I apologize to all the runners and walkers on behalf of the bikers, despite the fact that I doubt they are sorry.)

Today was the women's 5K and 10K. I ran the 10K and finished in 1:03:15. I did not go in with a particular goal, so I am completely satisfied with the result. I am particularly pleased that I passed so many people at the end. I finished very strong, which means I paced well.

I'm having a little pain today but I am optimistic that it will fade after my rest day tomorrow. I walked to the library and back this afternoon without a big problem.

The training plan really starts to ramp up now. Besides the long runs extending to distances I haven't attempted before, the midweek runs are getting longer. I think from now on I will be running home from work on Thursdays, if I can manage to work out the logistics of that.

Here's this week. It's kind of nice that I already have one workout done.
Monday: off
Tuesday: 4 miles
Wednesday: speed work
Thursday: 7 miles
Friday: bike
Saturday: 14 miles

I'm crossing a really important threshold this week. I hope I remain uninjured. But I think I will.

13 weeks until the marathon

Well, I am thrilled to report that my shins seem to have made a miraculous recovery.

I had Monday off in observance of the 4th, and I ran 3 miles then. I was able to do it non-stop, but had a general sense of not-right-ness in my lower legs that left me less than optimistic about the longer runs on my schedule.

Tuesday I bike commuted with no issues. Even if I DO get injured, at least I will still have that. It makes me feel a little better.

Wednesday I went to speed training, and Coach had us doing 2-mile repeats. And I thought it couldn't get any worse than 1-mile repeats. But, I did two of those, plus a mile warm up and cool down, so 6 miles for the night -- more than my usual Wednesday 5. I ran them nearly pain free, and instead of picking at my hip placement, Coach griped about my arm swing. I am choosing to interpret that as progress.

Thursday evening I went on a 5 miler in really high humidity. I suffered, believe me, but it was due much more to the heat than to my shins.

Friday I bike commuted, and had the great luck of being on my bike through the entirety of a 30-minute rain shower. ON MY WAY THERE. It was a rather uncomfortable day. But I suppose I should be grateful that my work environment is casual enough that it didn't really matter.

This morning, I headed out at about 6:15 for a 12 miler. This is another situation when the schedule showed two distances -- one for the first-time marathoner, and one for a vet. They were 12 miles and 15 miles, respectively. Last time this came up, I went with the longer distance, and that is when I started to have troubles with my shins. Thus, I started out with the intention of only doing 12.

However, as I got going, I started thinking about my training for the half marathon last year, and it occurred to me that I had never run more than 12 miles without taking walk breaks. I ran 13 miles twice -- once in training, and once during the race itself -- but both times, I walked a lot. And suddenly I really, really wanted to go the whole distance without walking. So, I decided to run my first 6 miles, decide how I felt, then perhaps go an extra half mile before turning around.

Long story short, I still felt good after 6 and did not turn around til 6.5. And I finished 13 miles, plus an extra block to count for the .1 in 13.1, in 2:22:43 -- eight minutes faster than my half-marathon time and just under my goal pace of 11-minute miles.

Today, I ran farther than ever before without walking. Good for me.

I have done a lot of walking and generally being on my feet since my run this morning, and there have been no major complaints from my shins. They hurt a little from time to time, but really not any more than any other part of me -- and believe me, I am sore in a lot of places. But in a good way, if that exists.

In the spirit of being ever-cautious, I must point out that last week's bout of shin splints did not show up until 3 days after my long run. So, I can't really say that I am in the clear. However, the signs are all quite good. I have to believe that while my gait is not perfect, it has improved enough that I seem to be avoiding long-term injury.

Next week's long run is supposed to be 7 miles, but instead, I'm running a 10K (6.2-mile) race on Sunday. It's an all-woman race, and I am really looking forward to it. However, because it is on a Sunday, which is usually my rest day, it throws a wrench in my schedule. I do not particularly want to move my rest day to Saturday, as that would mean I would have to do six consecutive workouts following the race. So, I think I am going to move what would normally be on the following Monday -- either a bike ride or a 4-mile run -- to Saturday, and take Monday off.

So, here's the next week, plus a couple days:
Tomorrow: rest (hurray!)
Monday: bike
Tuesday: 5 miles
Wednesday: speed training
Thursday: bike
Friday: 6 miles
Saturday: bike
Sunday: 10K race
Monday: rest (hurray!)

Way to rally, shins. Way to rally. Now please stay tough. I promise to keep icing and compressing you liberally.